Halloween Candy – scary but not so tasty

29 Oct

I want to love Halloween, I really do. I love horror movies and have since I was a kid watching Hammer movies at 2 in the morning and developing an unhealthy lifelong love of the genre. Halloween is effectively the embodiment of these types of films, people dress up in ghoulish costumes and do their best to look scary. It should suit me down to the ground, so why don’t I like it? That’s genuinely a rhetorical question, I can’t fathom it myself. Perhaps it’s the lack of tradition surrounding the holiday, now it’s more costumes and going to themed nightclub parties and less bonfires and dark and mysterious rituals. Want to be scared? bob for apples, its extremely difficult and resembles something that I imagine to be similar to waterboarding. All that aside, its time to talk about what food we eat at Halloween. This is meant to be a food blog after all.

In an attempt to get into the spirit of things this Halloween we bought some Halloween themed candy in the form of Vampire Mallows, Demon Slices and Cinder Toffee flavour cake bars. Here’s how they fared.

Cadbury Cinder Toffee Flavour Cake Bars
Before I bought these I didn’t know what cinder toffee was, after eating these I still didn’t know but Wikipedia tells me it’s honeycomb flavoured toffee. This bar does have a slight taste of honeycomb but overall the toffee part tasted like factory made buttercream (buttery with a worryingly imperishable quality). If, like me, you’re familiar with Cadbury’s cake bars from your youth you’ll recognise the cake base immediately, spongy, not much flavour with qualities akin to the toffee topping. The surrounding chocolate shell is too thin as it’s the best part and you want more of it. Eating this was like watching a movie you loved as a child and realising it’s terrible. ‘Running Man’ was my favourite movie and I loved Cadbury’s cake bars, not anymore. Having said that, these were the first to be finished off in our house.

Mr. Kipling Demon Slices
Mr Kipling was the first brand to sell “bakery standard” cakes in supermarkets in Ireland and the steady growth of their product range has been paralleled by a steady decline in good Irish bakeries. Mr. Kipling is quite simply evil, purveyor of sugary and otherwise tasteless cakes and the sole destroyer of traditional Irish baking. Demon Slices, however, were irresistibly cool looking and cheap, and I’m not going to be the one to start a cake revolution in Ireland. I’m not Jamie Oliver. I may not like Mr. Kipling but I’ll damn well put up with him. These were as I expected, sweet, sweet, and sweet. There’s really not a lot going on here. What appears to be chocolate frosting  isn’t, it’s just sugary and the only thing that has any flavour at all. Not much to say about something that you can’t taste. It’s offensively dull.

Ah Vampire Mallows, how can you go wrong: Cadbury’s chocolate, marshmallow, biscuit and jam. Great combination but badly executed here. The marshmallow is too firm, the jam is like the stuff you get poured over a soft serve ice cream cone, and the biscuit is a bit too thin. I’m annoyed that all the Halloween candy was pretty bland because I know that Cadbury’s at least can do much better. For shame.

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